I have this dream. It's a recurring dream. I can't remember when I started having this dream. Each time, the situation differs but the gist of it is basically the same. The dreams start out with me living life as usual. I am either going out with friends or attending a lecture or a program. Normal stuff. But then I get this feeling that something is not right. And all of a sudden it hits me - I'm not wearing the hijab. I am outside surrounded by non-mahrams and. I. Am. Not. In. Hijab. Already at this point, the dream has turned into a nightmare. In all my dreams, here is where I freeze. My friends might be talking. The lecturer might be speaking. But I am caught up in my inner monologue. What should I do? Should I run home? Would it be weird if I just run home? Is there even any point in covering up anymore now that they've seen me free-hair? Every time, the dream will end just like that.
The most recent dream of this kind was just last week. I woke up with a fright. You know when you're going down the stairs and you think you've reached the floor but there's actually one more step so when you take the next step, you're expecting your foot to hit the ground but no it goes down and for a split second your heart stops and your body feels like it has jumped out of your skin because you weren't expecting that. You know that feeling? That was how I felt when I woke up. It took me a while to realise that it was just a dream. I was so glad.
Now I don't usually believe in dreams having meanings but it's Ramadhan so it can't be from shaitaan so what else am I left with? Why do I keep having this dream? When I kept thinking about it, it started to annoy me that the dreams never end with me doing anything. I'm always hesitating out of fear. Fear of what? Of people. And that's when I realised that that's not right. Is there even any point in covering up anymore now that they've seen me free-hair? Of course there is a point. Because I cover myself not for the sake of people. I cover myself for Allah.
I have realised what these dreams mean. Again and again they serve as a reminder. Whom am I worshipping? Everything that I do, every ibadah, is it really just for Allah? Am I truly ikhlas? Subhanallah.
