In half-bloom

Is there anyone still reading this old and dusty blog? Biasalah, hangat-hangat tahi ayam. Masa awal-awal tu je semangat. After that, writer's block, konon. Terus dah takde idea dah. But now there's so much to be told I don't quite know where to begin. How long has it been since my last post? Almost a year? Really? So much has happened.

I've graduated Foundation (with flying colours, if I may add XD). I've started my Degree and am now officially a university student - and feeling all grown up even though home is just an hour away. And now first semester finals are inching closer and I'm just starting to catch the momentum to study, study and study. Last minute, as always. When will you break this habit, Habibah? But before I go off and study (Principles of Electrical Engineering and Electronic Devices. Such killer subjects!), there are two things I'd like to talk about.

Firstly, Sir Roy. For our first semester in BMI, we're required to take a preparatory IELTS class. It carries zero credit hours but is important because an IELTS score of at least Band 6.5 is one of MARA's requirements to fly to the UK. Sir Roy teaches it. I still remember our first class with him. We were all scared. He's the kind of person that can make your heart jump and beat uncontrollably loudly with just a glance. Even after a semester with him, I still sometimes have trouble meeting his eyes. But, oh, he cares. He cares so much for his students and it shows and it tugs at my heart sometimes, to think that he'll still be thinking of me years from now. I won't forget you, sir. The first person to ever notice and comment on my British Accent, although he said it sounded American at first, grrrr. His words then were, "Your accent is your strength." I never saw it that way before. To be honest, it was embarrassing to sound so different from everyone else. I have tried to tone down my accent, but the British-ness of it didn't quite go away. It couldn't and I'm glad it didn't. Because now I see it as a gift, as an advantage that I have that not many people can have. I've realized my accent is a precious thing. It makes me different, which is not altogether a bad thing. This realization has led to a newfound confidence, which brings me to my next point.

I am blooming. I know it sounds weird, but I think of myself as a flower. All this while, through high school and foundation, I was still a bud. Many others had started blooming but I was still latent. I wonder if people reading will understand this.... Am I being too symbolic? Basically, now I'm less afraid and generally more comfortable in my own skin. I'm not fully there yet. I still don't put my hand up or voice my opinions out in class all that often, and I'm not sure I ever will; the latter is especially daunting. But at least I'm confident during presentations and this has an effect on the audience too. They listen. This makes me extremely happy because for once in my life, I know I exist. And this blossoming of mine was only possible here in BMI. In this very environment, surrounded by exactly these people. It couldn't have happened at KMKN, where there were too many stars, or PASUM, where everything was overwhelming, or Jalan 2. The conditions weren't optimum. Neither was I ready. I think that's the purpose of education. To make us ready. We are all buds, and through education we blossom. 

Now I feel like I really belong here, in this program. I've always felt like my life's achievements have all been due to luck. I got good results because the questions happened to be easy, because the clever kids happened to transfer to boarding schools, because, because... But I see now, maybe it was Allah's way of pushing me forward. Very slowly, because He knows you can't be sudden with these things. Alhamdulillah, Allah's plan is truly the best of plans. 

Reaching the end of this post. I'm afraid this hasn't been a very good one. I've rambled too much and you probably couldn't keep up. I promise the next post will be better and easier to follow. Maybe I'll write of my cooking adventures. Of microwave cakes and failed chocolate whipped cream. Look forward to it. Until then, study.

Cinnamon

Hari ni makan Cinnabon.

Bila sebut Cinnabon mesti teringat Legoland dan bila sebut Legoland mesti teringat Cinnabon. The two are one and the same in my mind. Because, you see, Legoland introduced me to Cinnabons. At the entrance of Legoland, UK, there's a Cinnabon shop. I don't remember a lot about our trip to Legoland (strangely enough I remember going to the travel agency beforehand to book tickets and a hotel near the theme park) but this little shop I remember very well. The Cinnabons I ate at that time were delicious beyond compare.

Unfortunately, there are very few Cinnabon shops in Malaysia but by a stroke of luck my mum found one in One Utama. It's been years since I've had one of these. The strong smell of cinnamon. The sticky sweetness. It's not as delicious as Legoland's Cinnabons but it still takes me back.

Umm, hello.

It's been a while.

I don't know why but I haven't had the inspiration.

This is starting to get depressing.

OK, I'll talk about KMKN.

When I first arrived there it was musim pepatung. While they were noisy, they were concentrated only at the parking area so they didn't annoy me. They didn't last long.

Then came musim lalat. The flies pretty much conquer the dining hall. By now I've probably gained some muscle from continuously swatting flies while eating. Once, I was just about to empty my plate - mungkin dua tiga suap lagi baru habis - when -tup- a fly fell right in the middle of the plate. Dead. So, of course, I had to bin it all. Musim lalat is still going strong much to my disgust.

Most recently, it was musim kumbang. They were small, black, flying beetles my roommate and I dubbed "the creepy crawler" (we call all insects we don't know the name of creepy crawlers actually). During their peak, they were everywhere. They clung to the laundry we hung up outside. They covered the bathroom floor at night. The ceiling too. It was so bad one time, I had to sleep with a towel over my head - my blanket has holes in it, they wouldn't do - because they kept landing on my face. When they started dwindling in numbers I was so relieved. And now they're gone.

Lepas ni musim apa? I shudder to think of that.

Good thing is there are no mosquitoes. At least not in my room.

Parting is such sweet sorrow

Monday, 9th july 2012, I closed a chapter of my life titled PASUM.

In the space of a little over a month, I've learnt many many things (like how hand-washed clothes look cleaner than machine-washed, atau kah cuma aku yang perasan?), made new discoveries (for example, I discovered the existence of Maggi cup Tom Yam yang ja~uh lebih sedap berbanding perisa Kari) and maybe, I left PASUM a slightly more mature, slightly better person than before. Insyaallah, the things I've learnt there I shall bring with me to Kolej MARA Kuala Nerang and Insyaallah diri ini akan bertambah matang, dewasa dan independent setelah setahun hidup berjauhan daripada keluarga.

Antara perkara di PASUM yang pasti akan dirindui ialah aiskrim seringgit yang ada rasa aiskrim McDonald's, benjo + cheese kegemaran di gerai burger yang memang selalu sangat dikunjungi, tau foo fah, vending machine dengan air tin berharga cuma RM1, Encik Ismail dengan nasihat-nasihatnya yang berbentuk sindiran, bilik mandi 'air terjun' sebab shower cap tiada dan tidak dilupakan roommateku, dua pupuku, Aliah.

Sedikit introduction: Aliah, dua pupuku, berkaca mata, ceria, sentiasa tersenyum, sentiasa kepanasan, sentiasa meng-check kipas "betul ke kipas ni nombor 5?", bila buat kerja dia akan buat bersungguh-sungguh hingga ke lewat malam/awal pagi, bila merehatkan minda dia akan ketawa seorang diri sampai terguling-guling atas katil "oh my goodness!". Roommate yang sangat best. Suka tiru tengok kerja dia yang dia tiru tengok daripada groupmate dia.

Aliah, minta maaf sebab pergi dan terima kasih sebab merelakan pemergian kita. Terima kasih sebab selalu gerakkan kita bila kita tertidur time lecture. Terima kasih sebab hari tu tolong ambilkan kunci yang terjatuh di celah katil dan dinding. Masa tu kita terkesima tak mampu buat apa-apa cuma tunggu Aliah pulang untuk tolong gerakkan katil. Cayalah Aliah, dapat gerakkan katil yang berat tu. Sedikit pesanan. Jangan study sampai lewat sangat nanti tak tahu esok pagi bangun pukul berapa. Kat kafeteria, jangan asyik meluru pergi kedai makan yang satu tu je, belilah daripada kedai-kedai lain juga. Variety is the spice of life, you know. Kalau boleh cari roommate baru, Alhamdulillah. Kalau tak dapat pun takpe. Nanti dapat pelajar siswa kot. Senior best apa, boleh minta tolong ajarkan apa-apa yang tak faham. Good luck dengan pelajaran. Belajar kat PASUM tough, kita tahu tapi jangan lupa cita-cita nak buat pharmacy dan berusahalah. Insyaallah, kita jumpa raya nanti.

Actually, I am writing up this post in Pulau Pinang. Kami sekeluarga, minus Farhan sebab dia ada ujian, sedang dalam perjalanan ke Kuala Nerang, Kedah. Rasanya sudah selesai isi segala borang (MARA, mengapa borangmu begitu tebal? UniKL, mengapa borangmu mengelirukan?). Beg-beg pun penuh belakang Innova. Rasa macam semua benda perlu bawa sebab lepas ni nak balik rumah ambil keperluan-keperluan lain dah susah. Raya tahun ni pun mungkin tak balik Bangi :( Terus naik bas ke Ipoh.

When I think about how I'll have to start over from scratch again in KMKN, nak mengeluh sebab lebih senang kalau stay dekat PASUM yang dah selesa. But what is life if it's not challenging, right? Bila pergi UK nanti lagi susah jadi perlu membiasakan diri dengan kesusahan mulai sekarang.

Akhir sekali, aku ingin melahirkan rasa syukur atas penerimaan tawaran MARA ini. I've always thought of it as something out of my reach, something that was impossible for me, but Alhamdulillah, walaupun bukan straight A+, keputusan SPM straight A rojak dapat juga merealisasikan angan-angan kosongku yang kini tidak lagi kosong. It's now within my grasp. Alhamdulillah.

Room Sweet Room

This week I moved. Masa nak tinggalkan bilik C832 tu berat sangat sebab bilik tu best juga lah. Menghadap matahari so waktu siang tak perlu pasang lampu. Pemandangan dari balkoni sangat cantik, boleh nampak tasik KK12, walaupun boleh nampak budak lelaki juga. Malam-malam buka pintu balkoni untuk ambil udara malam yang nyaman. But it's ok. Bilik C845 pun best juga. Dapat sebilik dengan sepupu dua pupuku yang sentiasa membuat aku nak tergelak besar dengan caranya dan loghatnya yang agak kePerakan. Haha. The room and roommate might be different but one thing never changes: my side of the room is always the messiest. And that's when I'm making an effort to keep it clean. Biasanya lebih kobang.

A daily routine is starting to form. Wake up at 5.45. Go back to sleep. Wake up at 6.00. Go back to sleep. Cousin wakes me up, "Bibah dah pukul 6.45." Reluctantly go and take wudhu then realise it's getting light out and quickly pray.

Satu malam aku buat soalan latihan vectors yang diberi oleh Dr Zahrah. Sepupu dua pupuku sedang sedap memeluk bantal peluknya. Aku pula menghirup teh, cawan yang kedua. Selesai latihan vectors, tengok-tengok dah pukul 2. Belum solat Isyak lagi! Aku pun memulakan perjalan ke bilik air di hujung bangunan. Setibanya di bilik air aku perasan ada orang tak tutup paip air rapat-rapat. Aku pun tutupkan. Kemudian kusedari semua paip air di situ tak ditutup rapat. Aku pun tutup semuanya. Tapi masih kedengaran bunyi air. Aku naik seram. Dengan lajunya aku mengambil air sembahyang dan berlari balik ke bilik.

Moral of the story: Kalau nak study sampai lewat malam pastikan dah solat Isyak awal-awal.